campfire anthems

i was presented this quote and thought it would be a perfect thing to write about.  this quote was by the honorable abraham lincoln in 1863.  he said,

“we have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in number, wealth, and power as no other nation has ever grown.  but we have forgotten god.  we have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us, and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own.  intoxicated with unbroken success we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the god who made us.  it behooves us, then, to humble ourselves before the offended power, to confess our sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.”

wow.  i just can’t help but to read something like that, written by such a powerful and influential person from american history and not think about how far we have come since those words were spoken.  how far have we come though?  sure, we’ve made superior headway in medicine, science, and other technologies, but read the words he spoke again.  i don’t think we have come far at all.  in fact, i think we have continued to digress into the poverty that is sin.  how far will we go the next hundred years?  i think i’m glad that i won’t be around to see.

…i start my vacation!

it happened again last night.  you know, the thing where our friend doesn’t let us leave their house.  i’m tired.  it’s going to be a long day, i can feel it already.  i actually had a pretty constructive weekend though.  saturday i played guitar in a wedding.  sunday i did all the usual church stuff.  i realized that i need to start being more friendly at church and begin to meet people that are new.  as outgoing as i am, their is just something about the church environment that makes me uncomfortable with talking to new people.  maybe i don’t want to be asked any questions that i don’t have the answers to.  who knows.  i won’t be their this sunday because i’ll be on vacation, but next sunday i will be setting a goal to meet 8 new people.  4 from the first service and 4 from the second.

emily and i turned in our mortgage application this morning.  i think i have carpel tunnel syndrome after initialing and signing so many lines.  we are getting the ball rolling on our home owner’s insurance and getting all the necessities to the title company.  it looks as though we will be able to close early.  i’m hoping to be in there soon.  i’m getting anxious.

well i’m going to go get a cup of coffee and plow my way through the morning.  have a good one.

last night emily and i went over to the thompson residence to watch the office as we always do on thursday nights. the usual crew was there. james, travis, emily marion, kfj, and the ambers (thats our name for amber and lauren). the only person missing was gabe. i think he had some lame excuse for not being there…something about working. gabe, at least tell me you are washing your hair or changing guitar strings. so the office was really good last night. i’m starting to get into it a little more and learning about what makes the characters funny. once show was over the crowd thinned out a little bit and the real conversation began. i was talking about my goatee and how i was going to grow a big thick hairy mess on my chin, like that guy sundance from american idol last year. everyone swore that there was now way his name could be sundance. i now had a personal mission/vendetta against those in question and had to prove that i was correct (i’m not competitive at all). after a quick google search, i claimed my status as goatee aficionado and moved on to the next subject.

after a bit, kfj went to bed, because she is a nurse and had to get up early this morning. travis scared emily just around this point, when we started discussing our fishing trip for next friday night. we are going to do a little night fishing just outside of englewood. trav started talking about that when he is at the hem of natures pant legs, those surrounding him will be in danger at some point. emily did not like this. apparently travis has been known to sink boats and/or set them on fire. i told him i was a strong swimmer. i hope i don’t have to prove it.

::new thought::

do you have the kind of friends that you just can’t break away from? let me explain what i mean. i have a friend that is like this, but they will be left unnamed. anyways, this person loves to talk. it doesn’t matter what the subject is. that’s cool. i can usually hold a conversation about anything, or i can at least fake it. i finally figured out the key to this person’s “not letting you leave” success. just so i can stop using the phrase this person, we will refer to them now as filbert. so filbert would engage me in conversation. when emily or i made the call to go home to sleep, filbert switched his attention to emily, engaging her in a completely new but equally random thought. this could go on and on, until you pick up on the technique. back to last night.

coleman the wonder dog was laying curled up on the couch across the living room from where i was sitting. he was so cute and peaceful, just laying there in his coat of slightly graying black fur. then, without notice, coleman sprung up and snatched at mosquito out of mid air and ate it. this technique reminded me slightly of a king cobra attacking the flute of an indian man on the street. what one might call a “snake charmer.” it was incredible. i think it may have changed my life.

you know what i hate? homeless people. i know that sounds so awful and unchristian like, but its true. let me explain once again. i know that some people have it rough, i’m not talking about them.  i speak of the pan handlers that can work a drive thru or the cashier’s station at a 7 eleven. quit standing on the corner with your sign that says you are a veteran and finish the phrase with god bless you. the reason this bothers me is because sometimes, if you catch them at the perfect time, you can watch these people get into their cars and drive away. its sort of like the people that claim to be homeless and in need, but have a cleanly shaven , just out of the shower face. i almost always refuse to give these people money. i will, however, give them a sandwich…just to see the disappointment in their eyes, due to it not being a bottle of alcoholic liquid. another thing i really hate is being approached by these people. they all use some variation of the same story.

hey man. my car is right over there and i don’t have any gas. my wife is pregnant and i need to get her home so she can rest. oh, did i mention that i don’t even live in this city? i have to drive 30 miles from here. just give me a couple of bucks so i can fill up my car and take my girlfriend and newborn home.

did you notice how mid story the lies changed. i think sometimes these people don’t even have their lines scripted out. you know what i’d rather hear than sob stories like these? well i’ll tell you.

h…hey buddy. listen. i just got out of jail. do you think you could spare a couple of bucks? i wanna get a six pack and some cigarettes to celebrate my first night as a free man again.

at this point, i open my wallet and give the guy a 10 spot. that’s really all i’m looking for, some gut level honesty. i already know what you are going to do with my money. don’t try to fool me and we’ll be cool. my lovely wife, emily, doesn’t agree with me. seriously, you are about to enter the twilight zone that is her mind. when approached by these people, she automatically thinks that god is sending an angel down to test her. and for all i know, this could be the case. by the way, emily is a much better person than i am. she told me this story from tuesday night. she said that when she was picking up guin, our friend’s daughter that we watch on tuesdays, this creepy, slightly threatening man followed them and then approached her. she handled it just like any good christian should. she helped him solve his problem, whatever it was. she quoted a verse from matthew about how jesus said whatever you do to the least of man you do to me. if i were in this situation, being tested by god, and he put a bum/angel in my path and there ended up being a tense situation, i would probably beat the poo out of this bum/angel. sorry jesus. i’m not very good at tests. in all reality, this is a scary place we live in and i’m not about to ask questions first, especially if someone in my presence is in danger. i’m going to get so much crap for this, but….i think when put to the test, like that in which i was describing, its better to be alive and ask for redemption later than to ask questions first and wind up dead.

i’m really glad its the weekend. i’m leaving work early today to go to frostproof for a rehearsal dinner. emily and i are playing and singing in a wedding tomorrow. it should be interesting. pray for our sanity, mainly because i hate weddings. anyways. now that you have had a deep and scary look inside my brain, i will leave you with this thought. what’s the deal with raisins? wouldn’t you rather just eat the grape before it got all gross? ok, bye!

i didn’t really know that this is possible. i knew that people could have bad breath, but through their nose? really? let me explain. i walked into an in and out barber shop last night after work to get my hair cut. this establishment will remain nameless, as will the associate who clipped my hair. there was no wait. i walked in, gave them my name, and took a seat in the black faux leather chair. number six on the sides. faux hawk on top. easy enough. this little old lady was cutting my hair. everything was going well until she began to breath in my general direction. not through her mouth.

i almost threw up in the chair. her nose breath reeked of the last cigarette break she took, which apparently she also had a make out session with my dog. i didn’t know what to do. i thought about holding my breath, but that may have been obvious, not to mention my lung capacity couldn’t hold up with 15 minutes without oxygen. i entertained the idea of breathing through my mouth. at this thought, however, i realized that with such a raucous odor in my presence that i would rather smell it rather than taste it. i sat there, enveloped with stale cigarettes that have festered in this woman’s depth. when it was all over, i must say that she cut a mean head of hair. i must also say that i will be avoiding this cosmetology breath demon the next time i get shaggy.

after my 13 hour night of sleep has worn off a couple days later, i have decided that the united states, the land of opportunity, should take a few notes from nations around the world.  i’m more or less talking about spain.  after lunch, i think that it should be allowed to take an additional hour for a siesta.  do you know how much more productive americans would be with a post lunch power nap?  i’m just guessing its a bunch more productive.  probably something like 125.00425% more in the production factor, based on my simple notes statistical analysis.  i say down with work.  ¡viva la siesta!

sure.  you could say that.  after working on 4 hours of sleep sunday night, i felt pretty refreshed monday morning as i was going into work.  i even thought to myself, “maybe i should just sleep 4 hours each night rather than 8.  i feel really good.”  that wore off just about the time my stomach began to digest the leftover chinese food i ate for lunch.  with a couple hours left in my workday, i started popping excedrin migraine headache tablets.  when i walked in the house at 5:30, i found emily laying on the couch.  i think i woke her up.  after a casual conversation of hellos and goodbyes, i retreated to the bedroom where i thought i would lay down for a bit and catch up on some csi reruns.  i layed there thinking of how i wanted to spend my evening after a little nap.  i thought about how when i woke up i would eat a quick bite for dinner, take a shower and bring puma, our pomeranian, with me and bathe her as well.  then i would sit on the couch with my trusty macbook and catch up on some 15 minute lunch for an hour or so before i finally gave in to the night and my inevitable slumber.

i remember at 6:00 on the dot the theme music began to drone from the television as one of my favorite shows began.  i always wonder if my phone is ringing when the shows starts, because my cell phone ring tone is the who’s, “who are you?”  it wasn’t ringing.  i woke up at 6:40.  preparing my mind to wake up and begin the course of events i had set forth to finish the evening i noted something was very wrong.  yes, i had awakened at 6:40, but not to the conclusion of a las vegas murder scene being solved by a group of convincing actors.  no.  the 6:40 i woke up to was accompanied by a blaring alarm clock.  i missed it all.   i slept through the entire night, not even realizing what i had just done.

i’m sitting at my desk at work right now.  puma is still dirty.  i am still behind on my reading.  my stomach is growling.  i guess i’ll have to scrounge around for something to eat here since i missed my ritualistic dinner last night.  i guess i’ll have double the accomplishments tonight when i get off work again.  except this time, my evening is filled with the joy of laundry.

except i really don’t get one this time.  tomorrow, i have to go up to gainesville to do a preview for an auction we have next week.  so there goes my day.  leaving at 6:30 in the morning and probably not getting home until about 5:30 that night isn’t exactly how i would envision my perfect saturday away from the office.  and if you have ever read my blog before, you know that sundays are not days off either, no matter what week we are talking about.

i’m pretty excited about tomorrow though, even with my full work day.  our bank has ordered a home inspection, which it to happen at 12:30 tomorrow afternoon.  now we really get to see what all is and isn’t going on with this place.  i’m sure everything will turn out fine, at least that is what i’m praying for.

7 more work days until my vacation.  how exciting.  i don’t think we are going anywhere, or doing anything special, which really will make this a vacation.  just sit at home and do nothing.  maybe read a new book.  so have i mentioned that i’m reading again?  this is strange to me because for years i hadn’t read a book, not even if it was for a class in college.  i always just faked it.  i just didn’t have the desire anymore.  out of no where i began reading again.  i don’t even watch television at night because i’d rather just make it through a book and begin a new one.  i don’t know whats going on, but as for now i’m ok with it.

i’m really pissed about whoppers.  not the delicious flame broiled hamburger from burger king.  oh no.  i’m talking about the whoppers that come in the faux milk cartons - the chocolate candy.  you know the one.  what’s the deal with these thing anyways?  they are supposed to be a crunchy, malted, chocolate covered candy - i understand this.  how come sometimes when i eat them they are chewy and soft?  i’m outraged when confronted by a chewy whopper.  honestly, if i wanted a chewy whopper i would have just purchased mild duds.

so friends, i pose some questions for you.  what are you doing this weekend?  can you recommend any good books to read (i like political, historical, religious  fiction kinda reading)?  what pisses you off?

recently, and i don’t know where it came from, i have been a huge fan of the ufc. you know, the thing where a couple of shirtless guys get in an octagonal caged ring and beat the doo doo out of each other. there is a show on spike tv called the ultimate fighter. its basically like a combination of mtv’s real world and vh1’s america’s next top model. they put 16 guys in a house to live together, train together, and ultimately fight together. two teams of eight. living in one house. filled with testosterone. *i can’t stress enough my the joy i get from watching this show* anyways, i was watching last week’s episode when america, even the world, may have seen the greatest, most gruesome knock out punch this sport has even faced. in case you missed the action i have decided to post a short video clip of the jaw cracking punch. i use that adjective because, in fact, the dude broke his jaw. that has got to hurt, physically and maybe even the ego too. do you think he’ll get back in the ring again? i don’t think this example of being able to overcome is on the same plane as getting back on the horse. enjoy.