campfire anthems

i didn’t really know that this is possible. i knew that people could have bad breath, but through their nose? really? let me explain. i walked into an in and out barber shop last night after work to get my hair cut. this establishment will remain nameless, as will the associate who clipped my hair. there was no wait. i walked in, gave them my name, and took a seat in the black faux leather chair. number six on the sides. faux hawk on top. easy enough. this little old lady was cutting my hair. everything was going well until she began to breath in my general direction. not through her mouth.

i almost threw up in the chair. her nose breath reeked of the last cigarette break she took, which apparently she also had a make out session with my dog. i didn’t know what to do. i thought about holding my breath, but that may have been obvious, not to mention my lung capacity couldn’t hold up with 15 minutes without oxygen. i entertained the idea of breathing through my mouth. at this thought, however, i realized that with such a raucous odor in my presence that i would rather smell it rather than taste it. i sat there, enveloped with stale cigarettes that have festered in this woman’s depth. when it was all over, i must say that she cut a mean head of hair. i must also say that i will be avoiding this cosmetology breath demon the next time i get shaggy.