campfire anthems

i’m pretty sure this might be the funniest t-shirt i’ve ever seen, although it may not be 100% appropriate…

1) it is right outside the caverns and there are millions of bats. huge, freakin’ bats.

2) there is/are cactus everywhere.

3) if you are male and not wearing a cowboy hat, there might be something wrong with you.

my wife had a moment of absolute genius last night around 9:30 pm. i was laying in bed and travis called. from the side of the room i hear a struggle with the pocket door that slides open and closed to the bathroom. i look over to the closed door and see a set of fingers sliding underneath as the door begins to shake. at this point, i put travis on hold, walk to the door and ask an easy question, “what’s wrong?” “i can’t get the door open. i’m trapped inside the bathroom,” a voice calls out to me from the other side. i grab the handle and sure enough it doesn’t slide open. i now ask a very important question.

“is

the

door

locked?”

“of course not. why would the door be locked?” then i hear the click. the beautiful, melodious, heavenly sound of the door unlocking. guess what guys. my wife locked herself in the bathroom. i don’t even know what to say.

i have your rug. you know who you are. if you ever want to see it again in one piece, or feels its furry goodness under your bare feet, you will comply with all my demands. i need 2 tickets to disney world with a vip pass to the castle, a bottle of original dr. pepper, a pack of cherry twizzler bites, 2 bone-in rib eyes steaks, and home made banana pudding - the kind with individually torched banana slices on the top.  if you do not meet my demands you will start receiving mail on a daily basis with pieces of your beloved carpet. there may also be red wine stains that will never wash out. you have 3 day, 15 hours, 41 minutes and 16…15…14…13 seconds.

this will be the last installment of my question series.  it has been really fun and i think i’ll probably pull this out again later and see if you guys have anything new for me.  so let’s get right to it.

jenna asks:

what is “quobbity assurance?”  alright.  now we are getting somewhere.  quobbity assurance is only the most sought after position at dunder mifflin scranton.  quobbity assurance is the position that one holds after many years of drug use and promiscuous sex and can no longer remember just what it is they do at work.  a quobbity assurance technician has the responsibility of wandering around the office and making crude comments to the ladies, selling random office supplies for quick cash, and eating peach cobbler on your birthday.  i wonder if it is closely related to the position of quality assurance?  probably not.  that doesn’t sound as much fun.

jamison asks:

what made you want to become a musician?   this question is something that i never really thought of before you asked james.  it all started when i was a young boy, maybe around the age of 8.  my mom bought this really old upright piano and thought it would be neat if i learned how to play it.  it seemed like a good idea at the time.  i took a  couple of years worth of piano lessons and actually got pretty good at it.  i did all the typical things that kids and pianos do.  you know, recitals, being made play when company came over, just the typical stuff.  after a while though i just really started hating it.  i must have been about 10 when my dad got me a starter guitar and amp.  it wasn’t much, but at the time it was the coolest thing ever.  that guitar was sweet.  the first song i learned how to play was stairway to heaven, how trite huh?  i never really looked back.  i have been playing ever since and couldn’t ever imagine myself not playing. 

thank you everyone for participating and making this series possible.  i hope you had as much fun as i did.

you ready to go at this thing again? i am. lets start.

justin whatley asks:

who is the worst (popular) musicians/band? i don’t even know where to being on this question. there are so many categories of music and even more sub-categories within to make sucky things happen. for instanc, one might argue that nickelback is the worst - based solely upon the fact that every song they write could actually be the exact same song they wrote last time, just change the lyrics and guitar solo around a bit. others may say that blink 182 did a great job on capturing teenage angst in the punk/pop world, while i say they were whiny little girls. i think the important thing to remember is that music has changed so much over the last 20 years. today, all “rock” bands sound the same. they all write about the same stuff. i think a band like thrice, for example, is exactly what more bands need to do. they have just released their 6th album. now i have been a fan of them since their first album, where they were in their punk/thrash stage. if you listen to them with each new record you can really hear their progression and maturity grow as a band. i hate it when i buy a cd of a band i like and then they release their sophomore attempt and it is basically the same as the first. ok. i know i haven’t answered the question yet but i’m getting there. i think it is important to state that all the bands i have mentioned i have once liked. the same goes for the band that has made the number one spot in my mind as the worst (popular) band ever. creed. when they came onto the music scene back in the 90’s they were something really fresh. they had a great sound. there really wasn’t anything like them at the time and i commended them for being what they were. as time passed, scott stapp really showed what a tool he was. their 3rd cd sucked. stapp becamse a breathy, whiny, singer of a man. the best thing that happened to mark tremonti is alter bridge. now they are a good band. its funny to see basically the same exact band, only with a new singer, and see what these musicians are really capable of. i think creed could have been really good for a long time, and when you think about it now they are. only they aren’t creed anymore. oh well. justin, thanks for the great question.

mike d. asks:

why do birds suddenly appear? [hey] every time you are near. well mike, the birds don’t actually “suddenly appear.” in fact, they are there all the time. my awesomeness merely brings them to a level in which other people can see them. i’m basically a tibetan monk. sometimes, birds and squirrels even come and land on my shoulder and scamper across the lawn just to be closer to me. i bring peace to their existence. but don’t get me wrong. when i move into my new house and begin to grow my tomatoes and green peppers, and squirrels eat them, there will be no more peace. i will embody the wrath of “old testament god” and rain down pain on their little bodies. don’t mess with my garden.

tabbybottoms asks:

why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? tabby, based on my minutes of scientific research i have determined that the reason for this is because bubbles are satan’s minions. fact: bubbles pop. fact: bubble keep kids entertained for hours. fact: satan likes popping things (like hope and dreams). fact: satan likes taking the innocent youth and entering their lives during idle times. i know you think that your bubble bath makes you feel all clean and relaxed, but heed my warning child. don’t let yourself get sucked into the sin that is a bubble. plus, nothing that is iridescent can be completely wholesome. why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers? simple. dandelions are from the devil and daisies are from god. bet you didn’t know that spiritual warfare ventured into the realm of botany did you? what made you fall in love with emily? she is a musician. she is very loving (some may say she cares too much sometimes). she is a challenge. she is good for me. what are the top 5 things you’d like to accomplish in the near future? 1) successfully move in/paint/landscape/clean our new house 2) get my small business license and produce clientèle as a free lance graphic designer 3) become a popular enough website to start selling advertising space 4) consistently talk to 5 new people each week at church (i’m pretty bad about not talking to anyone. i need to be more intentional in the relationships i build) 5) go to europe

well gang. thanks again for the great questions. it looks like i’m all out of things to respond to, so unless you guys ask some more the series will be over, and then i’ll have to go back to actually thinking of things to write about. its been fun.

alright gang. here’s a further look into the void that is my mind. you asked questions. i provide answers. this is as real as it gets.  questions are in white, answers are in some shade of faded red.

kfj asks:

how does it feel to lose at rook to a couple of girls? alright kfj. we have to lose every now and then. if we dominated you every game then you would lose your spirits about it and never want to play again. just remember, though, when you beat your husband you end up going to bed with the loser. i hope you can live with that.

emily asks:

why do you always copy me? its merely a matter of you having a good idea and me wanting to make it a great idea. why recreate the wheel when you can just improve its design? what’s your fascination with interior decorating? emily, there is no fascination. i just don’t want to live in a house for 4-6 years in which i feel the walls are a hideous color. i have to look at them too. where do babies come from? good question. you know that thing we do late at night after puma goes to sleep? that’s where babies come from. why do you love me? i love you because you balance me out and you are wicked hot. there is much much more to this answer but i don’t want to waste space on my page. how do you feel about our dog? puma is pretty much the best dog ever. she needs a hair cut. her breath smells like her butt (i can only assume this since i have not stuck my nose in that area). how do you feel about sextuplets? i think if that were to ever happen to us i’d become very wealthy. keep one and sell the other five on the baby black market. are you super excited about moving to a new city? no. not really. i am glad to have a new house though. i will have to learn where everything is in this new town. when is the last time you did something for yourself? i went fishing last friday. it was nice. what’s your favorite thing that i cook? i’m a pretty big fan of the beef burgundy. you can eat and get drunk all in one meal! when are you going to shave your beard? my beard is awesome. i went clean shaven for a while upon your request. i think its time to let the mountain man back out. can we sell the bowflex? i will answer this question by asking one in return. can we sell puma? do you have any secret talents? i only know about the talents that aren’t a secret. if i do, these talents sure know how to keep their mouths shut. can you tell what show i was watching when i asked you these questions? john and kate plus 8.

jenna asks:

how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 8,319. on a good day. am i making that number up or did i really count? you tell me. when are we going to see some little monts de ocas? whenever god decides to unleash his sense of humor upon us. have you ever had hemorrhoids? first of all, jenna, i fixed the spelling for you. secondly, no…no i haven’t. i try to let things come out naturally without straining. thus far it has kept me hemorrhoid free. in 6th grade you did you really like better - matt or ryan? ok jenna. that question doesn’t even make grammatical sense. there are too many pronouns in there. i don’t like boys. whatever happened to ivy? assuming you mean ivy the dog, she still lives at the whatley residence. no offence whatleys - ivy is old and will probably die soon. have you been to dairy queen lately? no but i have been to burger king. do they still make pogs? unfortunately pogs are no longer being manufactured. their timely demise has become a gold mine for collectors and hobbyists alike. there are a number of collectible stores, as well as internet merchandisers that can help you onto the fast tract to pog world.

well guys, thanks for you awesome questions. as of now there will be a part two coming tomorrow. hopefully i’ll have some more questions and we can extend it to a longer series. this is fun.

for the longest time i have been putting up a fight against the office (us) but have recently sent up the white flag.  i think i am at the point where i am completely invested in this television show, frantically trying to catch up on the first 3 seasons while staying up to date on the currently running season 4.  i think the reason this show is so fantastic is because the majority of us have at one point worked with people sharing similar personality traits as the characters on the show.

i’m now starting season 3, which is looking pretty promising.  even though i know what happens between jim and pam (the major sole plot line of the entire show) i still like seeing how the things i know happened happened.  did that sentence make sense?  it did in my head, hopefully you can decipher its meaning.

sometimes i wish i worked at the dunder mifflin scranton office.  it seems like there is never a dull moment, and to work with people like dwight and jim would be pretty hysterical.  maybe i could pull some office pranks of my own, like following jim’s lead and putting someone’s stapler in jello.  amazing.

lastly, contrary to popular opinion, karen is way hotter than pam!

and here my friends is the grand finale. i actually don’t have anything philosophical to say about today’s video. i hope you all have enjoyed this little mini series i have put together, and haven’t been too offended. you know what? maybe i will get philosophical now that i have started writing. i hope you are offended by these videos. i hope it make you uncomfortable. once you get comfortable with yourself, or your life, or even your church/religion…you are doing something wrong. yes. i just called you out.

by becoming comfortable with the way things are going you are instantly pushing away the very lives you should be trying to make an impact on. if you want to stay uncomfortable, or just satisfy your curiosity of what some churches are doing to change the way people look at religion, stop on by rpc. services are sunday mornings at 9:00 and 10:30. you won’t be disappointed. in fact, my good friend travis is speaking this sunday while timm is on vacation. anyways, thanks for playing along these past few days. enjoy.

*the views and writings of this website do not represent the ideas of any persons mentioned, nor any organizations. these are merely personal convictions of the author.

i think this one is especially good. all laughing aside, i think that the church, as a whole, points their finger in the faces of people and condemn them for their “sins.” in this clip, jesus is going around the crowd telling everyone what they did wrong. i know that the whole misconception of christianity is that you have to be perfect like jesus was, but that is impossible to achieve. i think instead of leaders in the church pointing and saying “you did this wrong you sinner,” they should be using positive reinforcement to help encourage people along their christian journey. a simple word of encouragement can go a long way. enjoy day three’s video.